repeating-serenity:

my little brother wrote about me for school and this was one of the sentences he wrote. im sobbing “my sister is my role model because she can watch 12 years worth of law and order in 3 months”

cornchipz:

awkwardcontent:

Fun fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb the anus forms before any other opening. Which basically means at one point you were nothing but an asshole.

some people never develop beyond this stage

rneowies:

How To Do Everything Last Minute: A Novel by me that I am going to write later

meladoodle:

you had me at “hello”, there was really no need to add “you’re under arrest”

candeloro:

nice otp whered you get it walmart

togamivevo:

in third grade this kid got in trouble for saying “be free my niggas” when we released the butterflies

-hewastheirfriend:

but what if instead of getting drunk we all got sober like what if we were all constantly drunk and then on the weekends we get sober at night and have tea and intelligent conversations and then the next morning we’d wake up drunk again like “man i was so sober last night i think i figured out a cure for cancer” 

• me

thebitchpudding:

if you ever need nothing i’m here for you

babypithair:

sammygetthesalt:

if you’re procrastinating and you know it clap your hands

i’ll clap later